Imagine this: you’re on your day off. You kickstart your morning by texting some friends asking if they want to hang out, and you spend those early hours getting ready. Suddenly, your boss asks if you can come in to cover for someone. Reluctantly, you cancel your plans and go to work so you can avoid disappointing your boss and your other coworkers.
Have you ever been held in a situation where you just can’t say no? This applies to a lot of things, from covering someone at work, lending money to a family member, taking on more projects to lessen the workload on someone else, to just fully expanding yourself past your limits. This is called people pleasing.
Your mental health is important. If you are continuously accepting favors for others, you aren’t going to have time for yourself! It’s fine to do things for others every now and then, but there’s a point that exists where it becomes unhealthy to keep doing so. It can be hard to identify if you’re a people pleaser, but maybe all you need are some signs.
What are the signs of people pleasing?
1. You add on to your already-loaded schedule.
Everybody has things to do. Limits exist. Oftentimes, people pleasers will constantly try to go above and beyond to get favors done for others even if they don’t have time for it! When you people please, you are going beyond your own limits unhealthily. You will tire yourself out just from saying “yes” all the time.
2. You downplay your own mental wellbeing.
It’s so easy to say you’re fine when someone asks, “How are you?” However, when it comes to people pleasing, the answer is typically far from being fine. If you’re constantly overworking yourself for the sake of others, it will begin to reflect on your stress and mental state. Not having time for yourself will often have you feeling miserable.
3. You can’t feel, think, or make decisions for yourself.
Those who are guilty of people pleasing tend to feel anxiety when questions are directed to you. You may be unconfident in all of your answers, and you may try to refer to a second opinion other than your own. If you have decisions to make, you will attempt to hoard advice due to the pressure of settling for one solution.
I just realized that I people please. What now?
People pleasing is a difficult habit to break, which is why taking things step-by-step is important. The need to people please can indicate signs of anxiety, so self-reassurance is a necessary skill to practice in order to appease your worries. What can we do to reassure ourselves?
We Set Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries is one of the most useful skills you can utilize to get yourself back on track, all while avoiding people pleasing. Learning how to say no is often the hardest step, but progress cannot be made without practice. By denying others to save your schedule, you’ll be doing yourself a favor in terms of stress relief. Assertive communication is also key – we can’t say no without asserting ourselves effectively! Read more on setting healthy boundaries here.
We Practice Valuing Ourselves
A big reason as to why individuals are guilty of people pleasing is because they are insecure. They do things for others so that they can feel whole, but at the same time, it takes away from their persona because there is no longer time to spend for themselves! In this case, we need to practice self-love and appreciate the efforts you put in for yourself. It’s definitely easier said than done, but by doing favors for yourself instead of others, you’ll be on the track to be a self-sufficient superstar.
We Stay Unyielding
Avoiding people pleasing coincides with both setting your own boundaries and practicing self-appreciation. It’s one thing to say no, but it’s another to say no then apologize for it. You don’t need to be sorry for taking care of your mental health! People pleasers often feel trapped in a cycle of being unable to say no, and when they finally reject a task, it’ll eat away at their conscience due to the guilt. Don’t yield and take back your “no,” you deserve time for yourself.
With these in mind, it’s time to do some self-reflection. Do you find yourself constantly yielding to others, often out of fear of what they’ll think when you say “no?” If you resonate with this, you may be a people pleaser. It’s important to step out of your comfort zone in order to preserve your mental wellbeing.
