Do we really need a relationship to complete ourselves or is it just the fear of being alone?

As a communication therapist, Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity to talk about what I witness every day in the clinic! The emotional rollercoaster of relationships, the search for love, and then the challenges for those who are already in a relationship. It sounds contradictory , but the truth is Valentine’s Day can be a day of pressures and expectations, for both singles and those in relationships. Everyone has an image of what they think a relationship should be, and Valentine’s Day often sharpens that gap between reality and fantasy.

” I love you for a lifetime,
Not only for a day.
I love you for who you are,
Not what you do or say.

I love the way you love me back,
So there is only one thing I can say.
I love you with my heart and soul and every other way,
So will you be my valentine not only for one day?”

Everyone seeks their perfect match, with some searching everywhere from the supermarket to dating apps. And for those who are married, they wonder if this is the marriage they wished for?

The question is: Do we need a relationship to feel whole, or is it just a fear of loneliness?

First, let’s start with the myth that we must be whole and perfect before entering into a relationship. Entering into a relationship when we are not yet “perfect” is like learning to drive – you start with a theory, but only when you start practice driving you learn how to deal with the detours and obstacles of life. In reality, most of us enter a relationship when we are still in the process of growing and learning. You don’t have to wait to be “ready” for a relationship. Relationship is not the final stop of your journey to personal development, but an important and integral part of the journey, the journey of life..

The biggest illusion of most people – “the relationship will solve all my problems”. The emotional and mental, and sometimes the financial. Some people think that when they are in a relationship, suddenly all anxieties will disappear, they will gain self-confidence, and life will become a sweet love story with a happy ending. That’s how we were sold the term “happily ever after”.

But reality reveals a different picture to us. A relationship is not a cure for our emotional problems. True, it can add support and love to our lives, but it does not automatically solve all anxieties or worries. In fact, sometimes a relationship can bring to the surface unresolved challenges that require internal work and joint coping, and here is the punch line : a real partner will work together, and won’t run away and LASTLY you will only grow together.

The question of whether we need a relationship to complete ourselves or if it is just the fear of being alone is central and important and part of a process before or during a relationship.

Let’s understand:

1. Dealing with the fear of loneliness:

Sometimes, the search for a relationship stems from a deep fear of being alone. Do we want a relationship because we appreciate the value it adds to our lives, or because we fear being alone with ourselves?

2. Finding perfection in yourself:

There is a fact that a person should be fully healed before entering a relationship. This means that the relationship is not the place to find personal perfection, but to share it with someone else.

3. Is a relationship a substitute for personal happiness?

Sometimes we think that a relationship will bring us happiness and perfection, but it can be an external interface for solving internal problems. True happiness and perfection must come from within ourselves.

4. The choice to be alone:

Sometimes, being alone is a conscious choice and not the result of circumstances. Being able to be alone and comfortable with that can be a sign of emotional independence and maturity.

5. Dealing with our independence:

Can we be independent and still feel complete without a relationship? The ability to be happy and fulfilled in life independent of a relationship is a great strength. Part of emotional maturity and independence.

6. The partnership as an extension and not as a filling:

An ideal relationship is not a filling, but an extension of our lives. It enables sharing and shared experiences, but should not be the only or main component of our wholeness. In the end, the important thing is to be real with ourselves about what we want and need. Are we looking for a relationship out of fear or out of a genuine desire to share our lives with someone else? Be open to growing with someone emotionally, because in every relationship there will come the parts you like least, which you have to deal with. The answer to this question can lead us to more conscious and healthy choices regarding our relationship and personal life, to choose not only Cinderella and the Prince Charming, but the stable person who will be there to listen, accommodate and teach you about yourself. .

A relationship does not make our lives turn into a fantasy story; It is more like a book with different chapters, some challenging and some empowering. It requires work, understanding, communication and dealing with reality! Things will not always work out by themselves, but through cooperation and a conscious approach to the relationship.

So if you celebrate Valentine’s Day with your sweetheart, with a new love or alone, it’s all part of a magical process called the journey of life.