Relationships are never perfect, but following the 70/30 ratio is the key to a long-lasting, fulfilling and satisfying connection with anyone.
When I was younger, I always viewed love with rose-tinted glasses on. I remember daydreaming about how my knight in shining armor would one day swoop in and carry me off into the sunset, living happily ever after…NOT! Don’t worry, I got reality checked very, very quickly. As I’m sure many of you experienced before, the not so rosy relationships that surrounded me as a child made me outgrow this idyllic conception of love (more on that in my book UnAddicted to You). Relationships aren’t always about sunshine’s and rainbows; they also have their fair share of thunderclouds and storms. We expect a mix of both, but how do we know when a relationship is teetering on the verge of being unhealthy? How many negative interactions between your loved ones and you count as too much? It’s a tricky question, but this is where the 70/30 ratio comes into play.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, platonic or romantic. But that isn’t a bad thing! In many cases, conflict can lead to conversation and growth from both sides. Arguments can make a bond stronger and even more amazing than it was before. Rather than strive to be an ideal pairing, you should strike a healthy balance between positivity and negativity.
The Golden Ratio
As a general rule of thumb, our relationships of any kind should strive to be composed of 70% positive interactions and 30% negative ones. You don’t have to strictly follow this and are more than welcome to make that 70% even bigger! Some research even suggests that the perfect ratio is even 5 to 1 for positive interactions. But always make sure that the number of negative interactions you have with another person never peaks above that 30%, because if so, your relationship might be in jeopardy of fracturing.
Positive interactions can range from really simple gestures such as compliments and humor to more complex actions like romantic getaways or acts of intimacy. Make these things into a habit, and maybe plan accordingly so that the two of you can always be sure to squeeze in a night out. Filling your life with happy moments like these is what grows the bond between your partner and yourself. It also fills up that pool of trust you have for each other, which acts as a buffer for that bond when rocky moments hit the relationships. And trust me, that WILL happen. This is why it’s so important to be mindful and active in filling your relationship with moments that make the both of you smile.
Putting a Positive Twist
So, we’ve gone through the importance on positive interactions and how to pepper them in your life, but what about the negative ones? Examples can include arguments, poor communication, and feelings of neglect. While these negative experiences are normal parts of any relationship, it’s important to make sure that they never outshine the good things you already have going. Here are some simple tips on how to do so.
- Talk it Out: The important part of arguments is how you handle them. Go into a conversation with your partner with an open and empathetic heart. Voice your honest needs and desires and likewise listen to theirs. Sometimes all we need is to just be heard. Come to a satisfying conclusion, together.
- Communication, communication, and more communication: Do your best to limit negative interactions at all by always maintaining regular and open communication. So that when a problem does occur, the both of you can handle it swiftly before it festers.
- Get Additional Help: Relationships are never easy. Remember that it’s ok to seek professional advice from people who know a whole lot about the subject and who are more than happy to help you in your couple goals.
Relationships are all about navigating the ups and downs, together. Make sure to really let those positive experiences shine, and to grow and learn from the negative moments. Following the 70/30 ratio is the key to a strong, healthy, and balanced bond with anyone.
