Setting boundaries can be a simple yet scary solution to many relationship struggles. I’m sure most of us experienced some relationships that can be complicated and confusing. This alone can bring about many issues and stressors. Unfortunately, setting boundaries can be hard as partners can have very different opinions. At the same time, boundaries can be very effective in helping solve problems.
Setting boundaries can require hard talks and negotiations. This can be very scary, especially in newer relationships. However, it is totally necessary! We can’t have 100% healthy and happy relationships without proper boundaries set out! But we must keep in mind it is a 50/50 job. Each partner has to work with the other in order to build respectful and inclusive boundaries.
What are boundaries?
Although boundaries are simple in solving problems, by definition, they can be complicated. For each person, a boundary is considered a protective rule that will keep them from being uncomfortable. In relationships, these can be used to keep a partner from crossing a line. This makes sure that each partner is respectful and aware of each other’s comfortability. It also involves work currently happening in the human brain; they can be based on the way our brains choose to communicate. You can read more about the link between communication and setting boundaries here.
Setting boundaries requires communication, trust, and honesty. Which can be hard for many people, and that’s okay! We are all human, and we all struggle with being vulnerable. Creating a space where you and your partner feel safe enough to set boundaries is key!
How to set boundaries
Setting boundaries requires an open mind and space. Each partner must be able to fully express themselves while the other partner readily listens. If you are the one setting boundaries, reflect on your experiences and what you are comfortable with. You don’t have to sugarcoat your feelings or provide excuses for uncomfortable emotions. You deserve the right, to be honest and find a safe space in your relationships!
Prepare to be honest with yourself and your partner! If you’re the one listening to your partner’s boundaries, empathy is key. Even if you think the boundary is unreasonable, try to understand it. This doesn’t mean you can’t talk it out to find common ground! But, each partner should try to see the other point of view before setting any boundaries.
To help your journey in setting boundaries, here are a few of the best tips! I hope they offer you some comfort and help you find ease in setting boundaries!
Be Assertive
In order to properly address what you need and deserve, you need to establish it clearly. Try not to be shy or hesitant, and say what you mean. It is important to stay respectful and kind, but make sure not to sacrifice your needs. Stick your foot down, and stick up for yourself!
Learn from the past
We all make mistakes, we’re all human. Instead of dwelling on the past, we can do our best to learn from it. It might be hard to let go, but holding in resentment isn’t healthy for either partner. Use past issues as points to set boundaries and start fresh!
Think about it
All too often, we speak first and think later. This can be one of the worst habits to have! Every decision in a relationship fully affects both partners. It is important to remain aware and cautious of this, especially when you are aware of a touchy problem. Address each issue with patience and an open mind; that way, you avoid arguing. Instead, try to lean into empathy and understanding.
Say no
Saying no to your partners might be one of the hardest things. It hurts to turn someone you love down or to put your foot down. But sometimes, it can be necessary to fight for yourself. In these cases, it’s okay to say no, and ask for change. Try to avoid saying yes just to please your partner or escape from conflict. In the end, it won’t help anyone!
Setting boundaries is no easy feat. But it is absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship to make sure that each partner is respected and comfortable. After all, if you can’t be 100% comfortable and safe in your relationship, it’s not healthy! Reach out for the communication and understanding that you deserve and require. No relationship has a fair shot without fair boundaries.
