-A quote from my book “UnAddicted To You”

Don’t think you’ll ever be able to find love again after a bad relationship?
Don’t worry, it’ll happen. But there are some things you need to work on first.

Navigating the aftermath of a painful relationship can sometimes feel like a nigh-impossible challenge. Whether it be a solemn divorce, a tragic breakup of a long-term relationship, or even a messy meltdown from a short fling, the weight of disappointment and the loss of “what could’ve been” stings all the same. It hurts. Bad. So much to the point where we even begin to question our capacity to love again. I promise you though, that love that you deserve will come, but will you be ready to embrace it?

On a recent podcast, I had an absolutely amazing conversation with Seth and Pete about the struggles people face when trying to communicate with new partners, especially after previously bad experiences. I outline how you can welcome self-reflection and break old patterns so that you’re ready to make your next relationship happy, fulfilling, and long-lasting. And the key to it all? You!

Love Begins with Self-Reflection

Before seeking new love, you have to figure out what went wrong in the previous one. And no, I’m not talking about ruminating over your ex’s flaws and complaining about how horrible of a partner he was. That could all be true, but what’s important here is understanding what YOU could’ve done better. If you can’t stop magnifying the flaws of someone who won’t be in your life anymore, then you’re not ready for a new relationship. Instead, muster up the courage to look at yourself in the mirror and engage in some serious heart-to-heart.

This is by no means easy, but the first steps are almost always the hardest to take. Allow yourself to grieve, to feel, and to heal. Reflect on the lessons learned, not as a way to dwell on the past but to pave a more mindful path forward. Engage in practices that help you with that journey, whether that be through therapy, meditation, or other creative outlets.

As you invest in your well-being and continuously work on your inner self, you’ll find that the love you seek from others will begin to manifest within you. Only then will you attract a relationship that will truly support your growth and provide you what you need. Remember! The most wonderful love stories begin with the love we have for ourselves.

Finding the One for You

Okay. You’ve done all the work. Amazing.

Now what?

Is the next person that comes waltzing in your Prince Charming? Probably not. So how do you know who’s the next love of your life? Just go by the 3V’s.

• Vibes: First impressions are important, note down their scent. Smells amazing? Great vibes. Kinda funky? It’s a no-no. It might sound strange but it’s just biology, it’s how we’re driven to connect with others.
• Values: It’s important that your values align together. After all, it’s someone you might spend the rest of your life with. You may not agree on everything, but make sure the two of you see eye-to-eye on the important things.
• Vision: Can you envision a future together? What does your relationship look like a year from now? What about a decade? Does your shared vision look the same? A lot of the times, a shared vision requires necessary communication and sacrifice.

“It’s very clear, my vision is clear to you, and yours is to me. We’re not trying to change each other, but the big vision is to be together. That’s why I’m going to compromise exactly. That’s the big vision.”

One of my quotes from the “How to Split a Toaster” Podcast.

I want to remind you again, this journey towards self-discovery isn’t much fun at all. The whole process will be new and weird. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s sometimes necessary. You need those uncomfortable moments in order to embrace the brightness in your life, as you only see light exist when it’s accompanied by darkness. At the end of it though, you’ll see yourself grow by leaps and bounds, and more than ready to embrace true happiness and fulfillment in your next relationship.