Are you self-gaslighting?
How often have you looked in the mirror and told yourself:
- “It’s not that big of a deal!”
- “I’m just being emotional, I’ll get over it!”
Or even…
- “I AM overreacting.”
While the smile you put on your face when you look in the mirror and say these things to yourself seems real, it doesn’t get more real than this:
YOU ARE SELF-GASLIGHTING!
We often hear about gaslighting, a form of manipulation usually coming from a toxic person in your life who tries to make you doubt your own perception– but who knew this toxic behavior could come from yourself?
Self-gaslighting is when YOU invalidate or dismiss your feelings, thoughts, memories, and your own reality.
Why do this to yourself? Well, unfortunately self-gaslighting often goes unnoticed, or is unintentional. This makes it difficult to catch yourself in the act. Oftentimes, self-doubt and being subjected to gaslighting from others leads you to being more susceptible to gaslighting yourself.
SO WHAT? Well, it turns out self-gaslighting may have a bigger effect on your life than you may realize…
How does self-gaslighting affect my happiness?
To get an idea on how self-gaslighting can have a major impact on someone’s life, let’s apply it to the movie Barbie. In this new, iconic take on the life of the perfect doll many of us have obsessed over in our childhood, Barbie takes a journey beyond Barbie Land and into the human world. When Barbie enters the real world, she becomes aware of her REAL FEELINGS and her REAL STRUGGLES–- including the many contradictions women face when taking on the expectations of the world.
Can you imagine if she just belittled these feelings? How would the movie have changed? Instead of embarking on a journey of self-discovery and unveiling her identity, she probably would have returned to Barbie Land…And her opportunity to flourish as her true self would be replaced with self-doubt and a changeless life, eliminating her chances of becoming who she really is, who she wants to be, and realizing what her happiness truly feels like.
Would this be a great ending to this long-awaited movie? NO!
Does this ending sound like something you want to be a part of your story? NO!
So why are you accepting of this behavior when you do it to yourself?
Don’t worry, here’s some help– let’s take a look at 3 ways you can STOP self- gaslighting:
- Awareness
- Self-gaslighting can be unintentional and can go unnoticed, so awareness is key in making the first step to stop belittling your feelings, thoughts, emotions, and memories.
- When you start to dismiss yourself, take a pause. Think about what you are feeling, and why you have these feelings.
- Validate
- Once you become aware you are self-gaslighting, take the time to validate yourself.
- Remind yourself that you and your emotions, thoughts, and memories are valid, are true, and are REAL. Belittling yourself will not make your problems go away, it will just end up creating more internal conflict.
- Practice
- Just like Barbie, we realize that everything is not perfect. Breaking a bad habit takes time, effort, and patience. Be kind to yourself and practice these steps to become the person you deserve to be.
Barbie learned how to become thankful for feeling things deeply, it’s time you do too.
Come on Barbie, let’s start validating ourselves!
