6 Secret Tips for You to Communicate with Your Teenager Who Doesn't Want to Talk
Etel Leit
Have you recently noticed that your little one started to pull away from you?
Time Flies Like in the Blink of an eye.
It was just yesterday, you held your little one in your arms as they are trying to reach their tiny hands into your mouth, and now, they’re all grown-up, teenage young adults, who are even taller than you are?
It used to be so easy. From the moment your baby woke up in the morning until you read the books to sleep, you dictated the day, the activities, and even what they eat. They pretty much told you everything on their mind, especially if they sign with you. They shared the details about their day with you with great enthusiasm – how was school, what did the teacher say about the project, and what game they played in the schoolyard. Finally, they would ask to sleep with mommy and daddy for one more night. Now, the most common words you hear from them are ‘fine’ or ‘okay.’
For children who reach into teenage years, parents can suddenly become ‘weird,’ ’embarrassing,’ and ‘annoying.’ For the parents, the simple conversation suddenly becomes the most challenging thing between them and their children. Talking with your children about their day used to be a daily routine for reinforcing family relationships. Now it has become a barrier for some. If you have this kind of situation at your house, don’t get discouraged. Here are five tips for you to communicate with your teenager who doesn’t want to talk.
6 Tips for Communicating with Teens
1) Understand Teenage Brain: Puberty is the second stage of the fastest brain development. After a person goes through puberty, his brain does not add a few years to the original ten-year-old brain but ultimately gains a new brain! Learning more about teenage brain development can help you gain more insight and empathy about puberty’s experience and hormonal changes.
2) Listening beyond mere words: Most parents who have a teenager at home are probably thinking about this right now “I do want to listen, but they won’t talk to me, so I don’t know what to listen to.” Right? It makes sense. Most teenagers avoid conversations about serious topics with their parents, but they express their feelings and thoughts through small conversations, mood, or body language.
3) Attention: Pay attention to these small things might help you understand what is going on in their life. Also, pay attention to the way you address your teen. Are you cooking, texting, or folding laundry while talking to them, or are you devoting your full attention to them? Are you trying to talk to them when they are texting, just came back tired from school? or just hungry? The timing of trying to talk to your teen is important. Make sure you do not interrupt your teen.
4) Treat Them as an Adult: It is essential to understand that teenagers believe they grew up and like being seen as adults. Therefore, communicate with your teenagers more is no longer as little children. Let them feel that your attitude towards them is changing as well. Share with them about your day, experience, feelings. You can even ask for their advice on subjects they know (like computers or fashion), so they can feel like contributors.
5) Control Your Temper and Take a Deep Breath: It is understandable how frustrating it is to talk to your teenagers, and they sometimes just ignored you. Remember that raising your voice, yelling, or demanding that they talk to you will only backlash you. In that immediate time, your child will close up even more. Take a deep breath when you lose your temper and calm yourself down before you try to talk to your children again.
6) Quality time: allocate quality time with your teen and do something they love. Going to the market or running your errands is not quality time. Instead, find out what your teen likes to do and invite them—getting ice cream, buying them a new shirt, going o a hike, or going to a popup museum together. Even if there are other siblings, try to be with your teen alone. Ditch the phone. This quality time together will open up the opportunity to talk and share memories.
Adolescence is a critical growth stage for a child, and what parents do during this period may affect the child’s life. Even if it doesn’t seem this way, teens need and desire affirmation from their parents. Next time you communicate with your teen, think about what it feels like when you are an adolescent and what your parents did or did not do, which you liked or did not like. It takes patience and empathy to be a good communicator with your teenagers. Start with the first step.