(yes, it works with family, lovers, colleagues, friends, and more!)
Are you ready to learn how to say “no” in a compassionate, kind, and firm wa
In these sections, we get to learn about what boundaries are, their typical connotations, and our top five reasons why people have negative associations with boundaries. It’s also important to learn that we need to feel stable when setting our boundaries. This is what our scheduled meetings are for! We prepare for these by taking notes, stabilizing our emotions, and avoiding bringing our mobile phones into the meeting. After that, we’ll learn about the sandwich trick and how to use our body, eyes, expressions, and words to successfully set boundaries.
I believe that you are now fully prepared. Adhere to your well-being, practice, and get to set those healthy boundaries with the people you love!
Through just 7 chapters, learn how to set boundaries and create meaningful, respectful relationships
Identify what healthy boundaries actually are for you Develop the skills to set boundaries with kindness and compassion Watch your relationships thrive as you set boundaries you can feel good about
Start standing on your own, and live with a new sense of wholeness and confidence. Let’s get started!
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Hi, my name is Etel Leit. I help those who live their lives for others finally live for themselves. As a communication and relationship expert, I give people the tools they need to love the life they live. The key to my own story was accountability. With support, love, and curiosity, a whole new version of life is in store. It’s 100% possible to feel more confident and more fulfilled. It’s possible to respect yourself while compassionately loving others. It’s the light way to love! And you don’t have to do it alone. If you are ready to stop people-pleasing, drop the drama and look within, then make yourself a priority.
It’s common that people are “addicted to” relationships and satisfying others’ needs while ignoring their own. However, flattering others cannot win the respect of others, nor can you satisfy yourself. Therefore, it’s time to change your mindset and set healthy boundaries with other people.
In the following sessions, we’ll practice with Etel and address boundaries by understanding their connotations and doing interesting exercises.
What is the first step to set healthy boundaries?
What is important about changing your mindset?
What is important when doing self-work?
How do you receive the best version of yourself?
Addiction to people-pleasing is unhealthy.
An important thing of changing your mindset: holding accountability to others.
When you do self-work, it is important to put cynicism aside.
Jump out of your comfort zone with old habits.
With continuous practice, work, and the refusal to give up, you will receive the best version of yourself.
Many people still think that “boundary” is a negative word. People will associate punishment, selfishness, and other negative things with setting boundaries. Now, let’s change the stereotype of boundaries and build a healthy boundary together!
Most people believe boundaries are negative, but the truth is, they’re not.
People who set boundaries are usually those that others respect. They have self-love and people are drawn to that.
People who set boundaries will show you who they are, what’s okay, and what’s not okay in their terms.
Waiting too long to set boundaries will make you sit with resentment. The feeling of resentment will boil in and explode if you don’t release it healthily.
People who do not set healthy boundaries usually get negative emotions.
The top 5 reasons why people don’t set boundaries: avoiding rejection, people pleasing, avoiding arguments, ‘Good Girl Jerusalem,’ and simply not knowing how to set boundaries. Don’t be hampered by these five reasons. We need to overcome these difficulties and establish a healthy boundary between ourselves and others!
Our behavior is the key! Remember the boundary is always for you. Determine what the boundary is, what happens, and what you are going to do when someone breaks the boundary all before setting it with the person you want.
Who is the boundary set for?
What should I do and think before setting the boundary?
What are the incorrect ways to set boundaries?
We never set boundaries towards the other person, because we set them towards ourselves.
Keep thinking about what you’ll do when the boundary is set.
Keep thinking about what you’ll do when the boundary is set.
Using meaningless words, empty threats, or ignorant ways to set boundaries is incorrect.
We cannot force people to change, but we can change our behavior
Negative emotions make it impossible for us to set boundaries with others. Therefore, we need to schedule a meeting with the other person when we feel good and HALT free, and clearly state our boundaries after sufficient preparation.
How can one prepare a meeting with the person?
What is Emotional Space and how can it be avoided?
What technique can make the other person listen to you calmly?
What are the first 3 steps to prepare?
Do not set boundaries when you have negative emotions (emotional space)
Emotional space is a phrase; it means bringing emotions into your own words when setting boundaries
The healthier way to set a boundary is to first set a meeting
Remove power struggle by scheduling time for a meeting…
…Preferably today.
Through removing power struggle, the person will arrive calm and relaxed, listen without threatening
HALT means Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired
Review your notes, being HALT free, and removing your phone are the first 3 steps to prepare.
Now it’s time to enter the meeting. Review your notes, make sure to have eye contact, and use: pleasing body language, facial expressions and good word choice. Using these four are important things during your meeting. Use the Sandwich Trick strategy to organize your language and convey the right information to the other person. Let’s start now!
What are the four important things during the meeting?
How is body language used to get success?
What skill is significant during the meeting?
What is the Sandwich Trick and how to use it?
How to use thought-through processes?
Eye contact, Body language (sit upright and body towards each other), facial expressions (eyebrows) and word choice are important factors during the meeting.
Sandwich trick is a strategy to put difficult issues between two pleasant things.
When using the Sandwich Trick strategy and the person gets defensive, you have to stay curious.
Using this thought-through process: Be clear about the boundary -> Approach it in a planned meeting -> Make the other person feel heard.
Take the time and put the effort into creating a healthy relationship.
How do you respond if the other person acts on your boundary?
How do you respond if the other person acts on your boundary?
How do you respond if the other person doesn’t act on your boundary?
How do you use a “mirror” to look at your inside?
What can I bring to this relationship?
How can I respect myself though setting healthy boundaries?
When the other person respects your boundary, remember to show immense appreciation, and even exaggerate your recognition.
The boundary set is always for us.
Keep doing whatever feels good to you, even if the person makes excuses and follow through with what you promised yourself.
Consistency is key.
You are not the higher power of anyone, and no one is your higher power.
Always have Self-Love.