How I Let Go of Queen of England
Etel Leit
“So, are you going to cut me the check?” He asked me after courting for two hours, politely laughing, and even taking me for a ride. I do not scatter checks that way easily at all, and I do not remember when I wrote a check last time. After all, today, it’s all in Venmo, Zele, and credit cards. Certainly not in such amounts.
looked at him half hesitantly. That fast? Should I be aware of something?
He turned to the door to leave and told me that if I don’t want it, someone else would already take it.
It was at this very moment, in that second, that I felt this knot in my stomach. Sound familiar?
It’s called intuition.
Something told me ‘no.’
Do not buy the car.
Even though I had already half fallen in love with it.
I even chose it as a name because I name all of my cars.
I had Peppy and Daisy.
I decided to name her “Queen of England.” The sweet little car had the English flags on each side mirrors. She is a queen, made in England.
The car expert looked at me, rocking from one foot to another: “Well, you are not buying a house. You’re just buying a car!”
At that moment, I knew.
In my politeness and a sweet smile (with the dimple that always helps me in awkward situations), I thanked him for his time and said I need a little more time because I am a girl who has a hard time deciding. (Huh, how true that is!).
The car expert left.
I took a deep breath.
Our stomach always knows. We dig in and stumble for the right answer. We obsess with questions like ‘I should, he’s good to me, she’s charming, me, he wants me, maybe I don’t want him.’
But the stomach knows.
With love. At work. About cars.
I let go of my Queen of England. Instead, I went back to writing an article, meeting two clients, and releasing pressure in my Pilates class. The instructor told me I am getting better, I felt I am the queen for just a second. Just to justify it, I got myself a protein shake. A royal shake.
Then, walking home (yes, walking, I don’t have a car), I remembered Ben! Ben (fictitious name) once repaired my car after a near-total-loss accident. Almost.
“Hey Ben”
“Oh, Etel!” He remembered. I hoped he remembers only the dimple and not the million requests I had while waiting for a month for my almost-total-loss car to be fixed.
And so Ben saved me from the queen.
He clicked a few numbers on his computers and quickly found out that the records show that the car had an accident. It was only a month ago, so you don’t see it in a simple Google search.
This is how I almost traveled to the uncrowned Queen of England.
But I listened to my stomach, my intuition. The intuition we sometimes quiet down out of fear.
I honored myself.
The illusion of having to decide, here, now, and as quickly as possible is causing us to ignore ourselves, our inner voice.
Right there, it’s time to put on the tiger’s shoes (also a belt that will fit) and say, “Wait, I need time. I deserve time!”
Because the best decisions come out of the silence. There will you find the best answers.
I let the Queen of England return to her kingdom, and in the meantime, I am waiting for another queen or princesses. I might name her “Tiger.”