Why You Fall For The Wrong People — And How To Stop

You know it’s wrong for you. You know it doesn’t feel good. So why do you still miss them? Why do you still crave the person who couldn’t give you what you need? It’s not a mystery—it’s your nervous system. Let’s stop calling it a type and start calling it what it is: a pattern.

If you keep falling for emotionally unavailable partners, it’s likely because your body thinks anxiety equals love. You may not want chaos, but your nervous system recognizes it as familiar. That’s the lie of the trauma bond. It tricks your brain into thinking inconsistency is intimacy and confusion is chemistry.

This cycle isn’t about weakness. It’s about repetition. The same emotional blueprint playing out over and over again, hoping the story ends differently. Until you consciously rewrite your internal Love Narrative™, nothing changes. You don’t attract what you want—you attract what feels known.

Let’s break it down. Here's how to know you’re in the pattern:

• You feel high when they text, and empty when they don’t

• You mistake being needed for being loved

• You say “this time is different” even though it never is

• You obsess over what went wrong instead of what wasn’t right

• You’re bored with anyone who’s emotionally available

This is what love addiction looks like. And it’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility to stop repeating what hurts you.

You don’t fix this by cutting contact alone. You fix it by healing the wound underneath. Here’s what actually helps:

• Nervous system regulation: safety before intimacy

• Rewriting your Love Narrative™: stop chasing ghosts

• Conscious communication: express without begging

• Internal validation: fall in love with the calm

• Trauma-informed therapy:start here

Want to understand more about how trauma impacts your love life? Here’s apowerful breakdown from Harvard Healthand a look atrelationship patterns from APA.org.

And what does emotionally safe love feel like?

• You don’t feel like you’re performing

• You’re not constantly checking your phone

• You don’t need to prove you're worthy of care

• You feel stable, seen, and settled

• You stop asking, “Is this too good to be true?”

Want help shifting from survival-mode love to secure love? Download my free video and worksheet:5 Steps to Breaking the Patterns That Prevent You From Finding True Love. It’s your next step—and it’s free.

Here’s the thing no one tells you: peace will feel weird at first. But the right kind of love doesn’t leave you guessing. It doesn’t feel like a performance. It feels like breathing.

This April, give yourself the chance to stop chasing chaos. Choose calm. Choose clarity. Choose love that actually loves you back.